The Narrative Pursuit of Relational Wisdom

Authors

  • Karen Skerrett

Abstract

Since the time of Aristotle, wisdom has played a key role in our attempt to understand the positive nature of human behavior. In the past decade, professionals in psychology and related fields have expanded their interest in the empirical and theoretical pursuit of wisdom. The relational dimension of wisdom and its narrative ecology have received less attention. This article integrates previous work on storied approaches to positive functioning in committed partnerships and proposes relational wisdom to be a master virtue of relationship development, one that can be cultivated across the lifespan of the partnership. The aspects of relational wisdom, such as self-reflection, attunement to self and other, the balance of conflicting partner aims, the interpretation of rules and principles in light of the uniqueness of each situation, and the capacity to learn from experience are identified and explored through the analysis of couple stories. Wisdom is seen to evolve through dialogue, and the resulting stories can serve as touchstones to what is most precious and vital in the relationship as well as guides for action through challenges and conflict.

Author Biography

Karen Skerrett

References

Alea, N., & Vick, S. C. (2010). The first sight of love: Relationship-defining memories and marital satisfaction across adulthood. Memory, 18(7), 730-742. https://doi.org/10.1080/09658211.2010.506443

Ardelt, M. (2003). Empirical assessment of a three-dimensional wisdom scale. Research on Aging, 25(3), 275-324. https://doi.org/10.1177/0164027503025003004

Ardelt, M., Pridgen, S., & Nutter-Pridgen, K. L. (2019). Wisdom as a personality type. In R. J. Sternberg, J. Glück (Eds.), The Cambridge handbook of wisdom (pp. 144-161). Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/9781108568272.008

Baltes, P. B., & Staudinger, U. M. (2000). Wisdom: A metaheuristic (pragmatic) to orchestrate mind and virtue toward excellence. American Psychologist, 55(1), 122-136. https://doi.org/10.1037//0003-066X.55.1.122

Bauer, J. J. (2021). The transformative self: Personal growth, narrative identity, and the good life. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Gildersleeve, S., et al. (2017). Coding “we-ness” in couple’s relationship stories: A method for assessing mutuality in couple therapy. Psychotherapy Research, 27(3): 313-325. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2016.1262566

Glück, J. (2020). The important difference between psychologists’ labs and real life: Evaluating the validity of models of wisdom. Psychological Inquiry, 31(2), 144-150. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2020.1750909

Glück, J., & Bluck, S. (2013). The MORE Life Experience Model: A theory of the development of personal wisdom. In M. Ferrari, N. M. Weststrate (Eds.), The scientific study of personal wisdom (pp. 75-98). New York, NY: Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-90-481-9231-1_4

Glück, J., & Weststrate, N. M. (2022). The wisdom researchers and the elephant: An integrative model of wise behavior. Personality and Social Psychology Review. https://doi.org/10.1177/10888683221094650

Grossmann, I., & Brienza, J. P. (2018). The strengths of wisdom provide unique contributions to improved leadership, sustainability, inequality, gross national happiness, and civic discourse in the face of contemporary world problems. Journal of Intelligence, 6(2), 22. https://doi.org/10.3390/jintelligence6020022

Mickler, C., & Staudinger, U. M. (2008). Personal wisdom: Validation and age-related differences of a performance measure. Psychology and Aging, 23(4), 787-799. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0013928

Pasupathi, M., Alderman, K., & Shaw, D. (2007). Talking the talk: Collaborative remembering and self-perceived expertise. Discourse Processes, 43(1), 55-77. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15326950dp4301_3

Pasupathi, M., Weeks, T., & Rice, C. (2006). Reflecting on life: Remembering as a major process in adult development. Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 25(3), 244-263. https://doi.org/10.1177/0261927X06289425

Randall, W. L., & McKim, E. (2008). Reading our lives: The poetics of growing old. Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780195306873.001.0001

Rohrbaugh, M. J. (2021). Constructing we‐ness: A communal coping intervention for couples facing chronic illness. Family Process, 60(1): 17-31. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12595

Seligman, M., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive psychology: An introduction. American Psychologist, 55(1), 5-14. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.5

Singer, J. A., & Salovey, P. (1993). The remembered self: Emotion and memory in personality. New York, NY: The Free Press.

Singer, J. A., & Skerrett, K. (2014). Positive couple therapy: Using we-stories to enhance resilience. New York, NY: Routledge. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12091

Skerrett, K. (1998). Couple adjustment to the experience of breast cancer. Families, Systems, & Health, 16(3), 281-298. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0089855

Skerrett, K. (2003). Couple dialogues with illness: Expanding the “we”. Families, Systems, & Health, 21(1), 69-80. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0089503

Skerrett, K. (2013). Resilient relationships: Cultivating the healing potential of couple stories. In J. Jordan & J. Carlson (Eds.), Creating connection: A relational-cultural approach with couples (pp. 45-60). New York, NY: Routledge.

Skerrett, K. (2016). We-ness and the cultivation of wisdom in couple therapy. Family Process, 55(1), 48-61. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12162

Skerrett, K. (2022). Growing married: Creating stories for a lifetime of love. Willowbrook, IL: Lifecycle Press.

Skerrett, K., & Fergus, K. (Eds.). (2015). Couple resilience: Emerging perspectives. New York, NY: Springer Science. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-017-9909-6

Sternberg, R. J., & Glück, J. (Eds.). (2019). The Cambridge handbook of wisdom. Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/9781108568272

Downloads

Published

2023-05-24

How to Cite

Skerrett, K. (2023). The Narrative Pursuit of Relational Wisdom. Narrative Works, 11, 24–42. Retrieved from https://journals.lib.unb.ca/index.php/NW/article/view/33447